The Ringwraith's Tale by Danny Nazgul
by Lady LeBeau
Summary: This is LotR from the perspective of Danny the Seventh Ringwraith. It has its funny moments. The Wraiths all get....PERSONALITY! gasp They're just misunderstood! Really!
1. Cast list, other info, and Prologue

Title: There and Back Again: A Ringwraith's Tale by Danny Nazgúl  
  
Rating: PG, might go up to PG-13  
  
Summary: Yes, you can do a Humor/Drama fic. This is LotR from the perspective of Danny the Seventh Ringwraith. It has its funny moments, but it is a drama, and you know what the end is....  
  
Disclaimer: I. Don't. Own. It. I also don't own Danny....he was more or less borrowed from "Monty Sauron and the Quest for the One Ring" and tweaked a bit for this story. Happy, lawyers? *they nod* Good.  
  
Author's Note: Um....this is another random plot bunny....it was inspired by my other fic, Here They Come, where Danny makes his first appearance. Anyways, on with the fic!  
  
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CAST LIST:  
  
Johnny Angmar the First  
  
Susan Nazgúl the Second  
  
Carl Nazgúl the Third  
  
Katie Nazgúl the Fourth  
  
Flora Nazgúl the Fifth  
  
Mikey Nazgúl the Sixth  
  
Danny Nazgúl the Seventh  
  
Charlie Nazgúl the Eighth  
  
Cindy Nazgúl the Ninth  
  
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I am a Ringwraith. The Seventh Ringwraith, to be exact. My name is Danny. Yes, Danny. Why are you looking at me like that? At least it isn't as bad as Carl the Third, or Flora the Fifth. Anyways, I am Danny Nazgúl, and this is my story.  
  
I suppose this all began when Lord Sauron gave us all those Rings. One by one, he lured us in to taking them with promises of football, popularity, manicures, and so on. Once we took them, he gave us these really spiffy hoods, cloaks, and horses. The only problem was that we had to do what he said. We had no choice in the matter. Also, whenever we tried to talk to someone, our voices came out as screams, which was a real setback in Sauron's PR office. In the words of our leader, Johnny Angmar: "You have no idea how much this scares the broads." Ah, well. At least we have Susan, Katie, Flora, and Cindy to keep us company.  
  
The girls are....interesting. They're all very pretty. Susan is wild. She seems to be infatuated with Johnny, and flirts with him at every possible opportunity. He seems a bit amused by this, and lets her sit in his lap whenever he's in a good mood.  
  
Katie is crazy. She keeps muttering about how the "evil Bendy Straws" are out to get her, and praying to something she calls the "radioactive flammable coconut god". I have no idea what she's talking about. She writes things down on paper whenever she gets the chance. I once looked at what she was writing....it was about two people, Faramir and Eowyn, who get married. It was actually pretty good. She's very afraid of something called a Mary Sue. (Susan sometimes takes offense at this.) No matter where we go, she always insists on looking around first, to make sure there aren't any "Sues". (Susan REALLY takes offense at this.) I gave up trying to understand Katie a long time ago.  
  
Flora's insane too, when she talks at all. She's shy, and reads a lot, but when she talks, she always has the best ideas. She doesn't talk to us guys much, but she is very close friends with all four girls, especially Katie. I remember once they decided to play a prank on the guys, and Johnny got really mad and asked who came up with the idea, and the other three girls all pointed to Flora. It was a shock. She doesn't usually get teased by Mikey because when she gets mad, she completely blows up. When he first met her, Mikey tries to tease her, and we had to rescue him....she had him pinned down and was trying to throttle him. Wow.  
  
Cindy is nice. She's a bit of a mother hen, but she's the voice of reason in our little group. She's really sweet. Smart, too. She knows when an idea will work and when it won't.  
  
Now, for us guys....Johnny Angmar's our leader. He has a bit of an ego problem, and can't resist a challenge. He likes girls, too, but most of them can't tell his scream from his really bad pick-up lines. Well, he's got Susan, at least.  
  
Carl and Charlie are my best friends. They're really nice. Carl's smart, and a little nerdy. That's OK, though. Charlie's really funny. He speaks his mind a lot, which gets him into trouble, but we all forgive him. He's kinda reckless, and he always bickers with Cindy. I think he likes her, though.  
  
Mikey's even more reckless than Charlie. He can be mean sometimes, and teases people a lot. He's one of our best fighters, though, almost as good as Johnny. He's pretty intimidating.  
  
I'm pretty quiet, too. Sometimes, though, I just can't keep my mouth shut. I get teased by Mikey sometimes, but Flora and Katie always yell at him when he does.  
  
Anyways, enough about us. What happened was, Lord Sauron made his own Ring, and tried to take over the world. We had to help, which Cindy really hated. None of us could do anything about it, though. Sauron, though, finally gave us a vacation. That's why we were off in the South during the Battle of Dagorlad. We all felt it when that Man cut the Ring from Sauron's hand. We knew it wasn't safe to go back, so we stayed in the South for many years. Finally, Sauron grew stronger, strong enough to call us back. We rode as fast as we could back to Minas Morgul, knowing that soon, we would be put to work again.  
  
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If you think this is any good, I'll continue. If not....it'll just sit, collecting dust. Review, and the Saga of Danny Nazgúl will go on. 


	2. Why NOT to scare Cindy's horse

Title: There and Back Again: A Ringwraith's Tale by Danny Nazgúl  
  
Rating: PG, might go up to PG-13  
  
Summary: This is LotR from the perspective of Danny the Seventh Ringwraith. It has its funny moments. The Wraiths all get....PERSONALITY! *gasp*  
  
Disclaimer: I. Don't. Own. It. I also don't own Danny....he was more or less borrowed from "Monty Sauron and the Quest for the One Ring" and tweaked a bit for this story. Happy, lawyers? *they nod* Good.  
  
Author's Note: I love Danny, I really do.... The first chapter is the only one that's told by Danny, ok?  
  
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Sauron summoned the Wraiths, and explained what he wanted them to do. Apparently, the One Ring was found, and he sent them to search for it. He dismissed them to pack for their trip.  
  
Danny was putting a saddle on his horse and making final adjustments to his pack when Katie walked in. Her bag was full of paper, spare pencils, a charm in the shape of the Great Coconut God for the banishment of Writer's Block, and books. Lots of books.  
  
"Hi, Danny," she said as she fastened the bag to her horse. "You almost ready to go?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm just finishing right now. Where're the others?" Danny asked. Katie shrugged.  
  
"Susan and Johnny are on their way to the stables, Flora's saying goodbye to all the books she couldn't bring, Carl, Charlie and Cindy are waiting outside already, and Mikey's deciding which weapons to bring," Katie answered. She yawned. "So how long do you think we'll be gone this time?"  
  
"I don't know. I suppose all we can do is find this Shire place and get the Ring as soon as we can."  
  
"I think you're right. We'd better get out there and wait for the others." They walked outside and within five minutes, they were all assembled. They rode through the gate in search of the Shire.  
  
Sauron had told Johnny all he knew from his spies about the little country. He knew roughly where it was, and what kind of creatures lived there, but not much else. They couldn't take a direct route because of the White Mountains to the northwest, so they planned to ride north through Ithilien, then turn west through the Gap of Rohan, and north to the Shire.  
  
The first night's ride was pleasant enough. They stopped for a few hours in Ithilien, then were on their way again. Midnight found Charlie and Cindy bickering.  
  
"Why do you ALWAYS have to scare me like that?" Cindy almost shouted. "I thought I told you not to sneak up on me when I'm sleeping!"  
  
Charlie smiled apologetically and rubbed his shoulder where she had grabbed it in alarm. "Sorry. Ow....I woulda paid more attention if I'd known you were so strong."  
  
Cindy looked flattered for a moment, but then resumed her tirade. "You had better be sorry! NEVER do that again!" she yelled, crossing her arms.  
  
"Yes, ma'am," Charlie said, grinning. Cindy turned her horse away in a huff and promised herself she'd never speak to him again. By dawn, she had broken this promise and was fighting with him again.  
  
Most of the trip passed like this. Katie seemed to be working on a new story, but wouldn't let Danny look at it.  
  
"I might show it to you when I'm done," she had said guardedly. "Keyword: might."  
  
Susan was her usual wild self. Once, she tried to organize a party, but Cindy didn't think it was a good idea, and they all wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. Mikey was a bit sullen because he hadn't had a chance to fight anyone in ages. Carl and Danny talked about pretty much anything that crossed their minds.  
  
Finally, they found themselves in front of a strange door leaning into a hill.  
  
"Is this the place?" Carl asked. Johnny shrugged and rode up to the door. A small person was standing terrified on the doorstep. His dogs ran inside as soon as they saw the wraiths. Danny saw this and felt a bit depressed.  
  
Johnny spoke slowly and carefully. "Is this the Shire, and where can I find Baggins?" he asked. The little man was backing away, back towards the door. The only words he had caught were "Shire" and "Baggins". The poor, terrified creature kept backing up and said quickly, "There're no Bagginses around here. T-they're all up in Hobbitton. T-that way!" He cried, before running into his house.  
  
Cindy shook her head. "Did you really have so scare him so much?" she asked sadly.  
  
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They rode on, reaching a gate set in a hedge across the Road. Another one of the little people was standing in front of the gate, holding a lantern.  
  
"'Old on!" he said. "'Oo goes there?"  
  
Mikey was suffering severe withdrawal symptoms from not fighting anything for so long, and he suddenly snapped. He rode up close to the shaking hobbit. "You want to know 'who goes there'?" he said in a soft voice. All the poor hobbit heard, though, was a shrill shriek. The Wraith started to draw his sword. Cindy told him to stop, but he didn't hear. Flora rode her horse forward and stood in front of the hobbit, who promptly ran.  
  
"Leave him alone," she said. "We can go through the gate now, so let's go." Michael pouted, but he remembered how badly he had been beaten last time he argued with her, so they rode their horses through the gate and down the road.  
  
They rode all through the night and about half the next day, before Danny stopped his horse in the middle of the path. "This is pointless," he said. "This Baggins could be anywhere in this country, and we don't even know how big it is."  
  
Johnny turned his horse around. "Oh, yes?" he asked. "Do you have a better plan?" He moved forward until he was nearly face-to-face with Danny.  
  
"Hey, back off!" Flora said, forcing her horse between the two. "I think that he's right. Why don't we split up, and each go in a different direction, and the first one to find them gives a yell?"  
  
This plan was met with the approval of the others, and so they went in their separate directions. It was Danny's job to take the Road. He walked his horse quickly forward. He saw some more of the little creatures run off the Road and hide behind a tree. He sped up, calling, "Hey! You! Excuse me! Can you tell me where I could find a Mr. Baggins?" They didn't answer, and kept crouching under the tree, shaking.  
  
Danny felt a little guilty about scaring them so much. He always scared everybody, but he never meant to. He got off his horse and sat down, leaning against the tree, feeling very depressed. Life got very lonely, with just eight people you could talk to. He hadn't had a normal, living friend for over three thousand years. They all ran away from him, as fast as their legs could carry them....He sniffed, and a tear rolled down his face. Everywhere he went, it was the same. All because he had taken that Ring....Eight people. Only eight in all Middle Earth who didn't run away from him.  
  
A thud brought him to his senses. Danny sniffed one more time, then got to his feet, mounted his horse, and rode off down the road. A few minutes later, he saw Johnny, posing on top of a Random Hill. Danny galloped up.  
  
"I passed some of the little people down the road," he said. "They ran off before I could talk to them, though."  
  
Johnny groaned. "Well, we might as well go after them." He gave a loud call, and Susan, Carl, Flora, and Charlie immediately rode up. He quickly told them about what to do. Susan had a feeling they were headed towards the river, so they rode that way.  
  
Cindy and her horse broke through a dense patch of trees, right into the middle of the four startled hobbits. She shrieked in surprise, shouting, "You little buggers! Get out from under my horse!" The horse in question was nearly frantic. The hobbits finally had the sense to run, and Cindy galloped after them.  
  
They climbed over a low fence and onto a ferry. The one with black hair was lagging behind a little bit. Cindy was very angry with them for scaring her horse, and easily leapt the fence. She almost caught the black- haired one, but he jumped onto the ferry. She had to stop; almost all the Wraiths were extreme hydrophobes.  
  
"I'LL GET YOU MY PRETTY AND YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS TOO!" she yelled over the water before galloping back to join the others.  
  
"The little bastards got away," Cindy said to the others, breathing hard. "Not next time, though....next time I'll make them pay for spooking Betsy." She stroked her horse's neck. "It's okay, Betsy, they're gone now."  
  
Johnny shrugged and turned to the rest, who had arrived after hearing Cindy's yells. "All right. Cindy's set to go after the four little people. Should we go with her and follow them?"  
  
Susan immediately nodded. "Yes....I have a feeling about these four....they're important."  
  
"Very well," Johnny said. "We go after the four." After three thousand years of knowing Susan, he trusted the "feelings" she got. They were never wrong. "But how will we cross the river?" he said. "We can't use the little ferry...."  
  
"I think we should split up again, and search for another way across the river," Danny suggested. This was met with the approval of the others, so Cindy, Johnny, Mikey, Charlie, and Susan went north, and Carl, Katie, Flora, and Danny went south.  
  
Two hours later, the Nine all suddenly knew where the Ring was. It was on the hand of the little dark-haired person, and he was in the town east of the River. The five who went north came to a bridge and thundered across it at a full-out gallop. The Wraiths were coming. 


	3. Stupid Bugs, Stupid Fire, Stupid Elf, St...

Title: There and Back Again, A Ringwraith's Tale by Danny Nazgûl  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Summary: This is LotR from the perspective of Danny the Seventh Ringwraith. It has its funny moments. The Wraiths all get....PERSONALITY! *gasp* They're just misunderstood! Really!  
  
Disclaimer: I. Don't. Own. It. I also don't own Danny....he was more or less borrowed from "Monty Sauron and the Quest for the One Ring" and tweaked a bit for this story. Happy, lawyers? *they nod* Good.  
  
REVIEW RESPONSES:  
  
Elessar*Lover: Yes, I'm surprised no one's written one before....  
  
hehe: Thanks! Your review was nice, but a little short....I think the shortest one I've ever gotten was "Egads!"....  
  
Laureline: Pixie sticks. Bwahahahaha.  
  
kingmaker: *hands kingmaker a "Best Reviewer" badge* Here, you deserve this for all your reviews. And about the Houses of Healing fic, it was supposed to be ridiculous and completely unbelievable.... Yes, the Wraiths rock. *hugs Danny* :D I mean, they can't be just nine black screaming tings....that's bad characterization!  
  
Author's Note: I know, it took me long enough to update, but I'm having time issues and school issues, and my Muse went on strike, but he's back now, so here's more Dannyness.  
  
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Cindy, Charlie, Mikey, Johnny, and Susan looked at the closed gate.  
  
"Well? What do we do now?" Cindy asked. Susan shrugged. Charlie got off his horse to look at the gate's hinges. He ran his fingers over them, talking to himself.  
  
"These are really rusty hinges. With the right horse and the proper application of strength...." he got back on his horse, took a few steps backwards, and ran straight at the gate, the horse's hooves knocking it over. "....the doors will fall down!" he finished triumphantly.  
  
Cindy and Susan applauded. Charlie bowed, which was a bit difficult to do on a horse, but he managed it. The five rode through the empty doorway and into the village of Bree. Everyone who saw them ran inside their houses, except one hobbit who just fainted, and one Southerner.  
  
"Have you seen four Halflings who've just arrived?" Johnny asked, slowly so the man could understand them. The southerner nodded. "Yeah....they're stayin' up at the Prancin' Pony." Susan thanked him, and they rose off in search of the inn.  
  
It took them half an hour to find it. They strode in, all slightly annoyed at the delay. They walked into a room, where there were four beds, with pillowcases under the sheets. Susan poked at one, then shrieked.  
  
"Eeeeek! It's full of BUGS!" she screamed. Cindy immediately began whacking another pillowcase. Mikey figured that he might as well vent his frustrations on the pillows too, and whacked at one as hard as he could, shouting, "DIE DIE DIE!!!".  
  
Charlie went to help Cindy on hers, and Johnny, not too fond of bugs himself, hacked up another one. Once Susan finished, she ran out the door, intent on putting as much distance as she could between herself and the hated insects. Cindy followed after looking disgustedly at the infested pillows for a second. The three guys looked at each other, sighed, and followed them out.  
  
Outside, Johnny tried to reason with Susan. "But the Ring's in there. If we go back in, we can get it, bring it back to Sauron, and go home."  
  
Susan was hysterical. "I'm not going back in there! There're all those creepy crawly things with too many legs and eyes and wings and....ugh! No, no, NO!"  
  
"But we won't even have to go near the room! You just figure out where they are, get the Ring, and leave!" Johnny argued.  
  
"I'm not going back in either," Cindy said firmly, crossing her arms. Charlie groaned. "Then we'd better wait till they leave," he said. "We're not going to be going back in there."  
  
"But the Ring of Power is just inside! We can't just walk away!" Mikey angrily said.  
  
"Do you want to argue with both of them?" Charlie indicated Cindy and Susan. "Thought not. We wait along the Road for them to come out, take the Ring, and head home. Okay?"  
  
Mikey and Johnny sullenly agreed, and the next morning found them sitting sleepily on their horses.  
  
"D'you think they've left yet?" Charlie asked sleepily.  
  
Susan nodded. "Yeah....pro'lly...."  
  
Cindy yawned and nearly fell off her horse. "Ya know, I think I'll go t'sleep now...." she actually did fall off her horse and fell asleep on the grass. One by one, Susan, Charlie, and Mikey did the same.  
  
Johnny tried to sit up. "Must stay awake," he told himself. "M'st watch f'r little people....m'st stay alert....m'st...." he fell off his horse, and was asleep before he hit the ground.  
  
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While all this had been happening, the other group had been riding as fast as they could towards Bree. By the morning after they had felt the Ring, they had passed Bree, thinking the other five already had the Ring. It was mid-afternoon before Carl noticed some odd things by the side of the road.  
  
"Hold on....what's that?" he asked, stopping his horse. He saw five horses and indistinct black shapes lying in the grass. He walked his horse over to the nearest one, which happened to be Charlie, and poked it. Charlie groaned. He looked over at Cindy, who had, up until Flora woke her up, been lying next to him, and indistinctly said, "Hold on....why aren't we in a little house in Ithilien?" Cindy, luckily, didn't understand him, but Katie snickered. Charlie grinned.  
  
Danny woke Susan up. She didn't appreciate it. After grumbling for a minute or two, she stood up, stretched, and promptly sat down again in pain. "Ow. Remind me NEVER to fall off a horse again." After about ten minutes, the five sleepy Wraiths were up.  
  
"So, where do we go now? We've wasted a lot of time sleeping, and they might've gone past," Danny said.  
  
Flora spoke up. "If they have any sense they'll go to Amon Sûl. They'd be able to rest there for a while, and see us coming."  
  
Johnny nodded. "Okay. We'll go there, and either wait for them or catch them there."  
  
Two days of fast riding later, they could see Weathertop. As it was getting dark, Danny noticed a fire in a dell by the hill. They rode for it as quickly as they could. They saw the four little people run away from the fire and up to the top of the hill. As they couldn't bring the horses up, Susan, Carl, Cindy, and Charlie stayed to watch the horses while Johnny, Mikey, Danny, Flora, and Katie went after the Ring.  
  
The five walked through an archway, up some stairs, and came out of another archway. The four short people were huddled at the other end. The fat one shouted something and attacked Mikey, who quickly maneuvered the short sword out of his hand.  
  
Johnny advanced on the dark-haired one, who fell over. When Johnny continued to walk forward, he put the Ring on. "Stupid," Johnny muttered, and the short dude began to flash in different colors, allowing them to see him very clearly.  
  
Katie nudged Flora. "You know, that's really pretty," she said. Flora nodded. "Oooh, look! I think he flashed teal that time!"  
  
The Halfling screamed. Unfortunately, Johnny heard it as, "YOU ARE A STUPID IDIOT!" He narrowed his eyes. "You take that back!" he shouted, reaching for the Ring. The little person yanked his hand back, and Johnny lost his temper. He took out his special poisoned knife and stabbed the creature in the shoulder. He screamed again, but someone else had arrived-a tall Ranger. Johnny turned around to see Mikey thrown back over the hill by the Ranger. He had also set Katie's cloak on fire, so she was screaming "I'MONFIREI'MONFIREI'MONFIRE!!!!!" and Flora was desperately trying to smother the flames with her own cloak. Finally they got the flames out and ran back down the stairs.  
  
Cindy looked up to see Flora and a charred and smoking Katie come down the stairs. "What happened to YOU?" she asked. Katie shuddered. "This Dúnadan set me on fire." "Not just ANY Dúnadan," Flora said. "THIS one was cute."  
  
"CUTE?!" Katie nearly exploded. "This MAN just set my head on fire, and you think he's CUTE?!"  
  
Flora grinned. "Well, he was...."  
  
Johnny came running down. "Come on, let's get out of here!" They all mounted their horses before realizing there was one left over. An ear- piercing scream split the night.  
  
"Where's Danny?"  
  
Danny was currently running down the stairs and screaming his head off. Ten seconds ago, when Johnny ran, Danny had stood for a few seconds, wondering where everyone had gone. The Ranger had taken this opportunity to throw a burning torch into Danny's face. He screamed and ran down the stairs.  
  
Katie saw what was happening. She and Flora took off their cloaks and wrapped them around Danny's head until the flames were gone. They carefully removed the cloak, revealing Danny's burned face.  
  
"Are you okay?" Katie asked. She delicately traced the burns covering his face. Danny shuddered in pain. "At least I only got my cloak on fire....I think water's the only thing that'll help those."  
  
"WHAT?! No. No, no, no." Danny shook his head, but quickly stopped because of the pain. He was the worst hydrophobe of all Nine.  
  
"Come on! It's just water! It can't be worse than those burns!" Katie pulled his horse over. "We'll go to the Bruinen. That's the closest river. Let's go."  
  
None of them were very happy about it, but they went anyways. They rode without talking much, except for Danny's occasional moans of pain. About halfway there, they saw a white elf-horse with the black-haired person and an elf girl on it. Danny was too preoccupied with his burns, but Johnny noticed who it was. He reached over to try and grab the little guy, but the elf bitch-slapped his hand away.  
  
"He's MINE!" she said petulantly in Elvish. OF course, it could've meant "Ride on"....Johnny decided to brush up on his elvish when he got home.  
  
The two on the white horse got across the river before the Wraiths could reach it. They stopped on the side. Katie got off her horse and tried to pull Danny down, but he sat obstinately in the saddle.  
  
"Danny, don't be a baby. It's just water!" She scooped some in her hands and threw it onto Danny's face. He screamed.  
  
Johnny was staring down the Elf-girl. "Give up the Halfling, She-elf!" he said.  
  
The Elf drew her sword. "If you want him, come and claim him!" she shouted.  
  
Katie was just convincing Danny to get down. "Look, the burns are already feeling better after the water I splashed, right? Just a few seconds, okay?"  
  
Danny nodded morosely and walked his horse into the stream. The rest of the Wraiths, thinking he was going after the Ring, followed. The Elf started chanting, and a flood came down the river.  
  
All Danny had time for was a quiet "Oh, no" before he and the other eight were swept away by the flood.  
  
Five minutes later, a bedraggled Mikey dragged himself out of the water, followed by Susan. "Anyone else survive that?" she called. One by one, Johnny, Charlie, Flora, Danny, Carl, Katie, and Cindy crawled onto the riverbank, shuddering.  
  
"First fire, now this...." Danny said, shivering.  
  
"Betsy. Where's Betsy?" Cindy asked, looking slightly panicky. "Betsy? Betsy! Where are you?!" she shouted. She stood up to go looking for her horse, but collapsed in an exhausted, dripping heap.  
  
"It's no use," Susan said. "There's no way she could've survived that."  
  
Cindy's eyes filled with tears. "Poor Betsy...." she broke down in sobs. Charlie crawled to her side and put a comforting arm around her shoulders. "Poor, poor Betsy....That was a horrible way to die. She shouldn't have died like that. She didn't deserve to drown...." Cindy moaned, leaning against Charlie.  
  
Johnny took charge of the situation. "Okay. We don't have any horses or supplies, and the Halfling is in Rivendell by now, so I think the only thing we can do is head back to Mordor and try again when he leaves."  
  
"Not yet, though. We need to stay here and rest for a while," Danny said, wringing the water out of his clothes. Susan stretched out on the grass, warmed by the sun. Carl, Flora, Danny, Mikey, and Katie followed suit. By nightfall, they were all dry, and felt strong enough to travel. They began the long trek back to Mordor.  
  
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Okay, I know it isn't as good as the other two....but review and I'll write more and it'll be better, I promise! 


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